Your Relationships

Trust in Relationships

In my work with couples, I often find a lack of trust at the root of many challenges they report.

Trust is a Verb

We have been taught to believe trust is a commodity to be earned by others. Once they have passed certain tests, then we feel safe to extend our trust. I would like to entertain the idea that trust can be a verb, rather than a noun. It’s a choice you make and says much more about you than it does the person to whom you are extending that trust.

When you are involved in a relationship and you say you trust that person, it is more than a noun. It’s not just a thing you extend to a person like a gift—it is followed up with behaviors—things you do and things you don’t do.

When you trust someone, you know he or she will do the right thing. You know they have their affairs (no pun intended) under control. They are faithful and loyal. You don’t need constant reassurance of this—you just know.

What you don’t do is constantly grill a person about where he or she is and with whom he or she is spending time. You don’t have him or her followed looking for proof of infidelity. You don’t snoop around in his or her personal belongings or private places. You trust that he or she can be trusted.

Trusting has so much more to do with who you are as a person than it does with who your partner is. When you are secure in yourself and know that you are worthy to receive love, then it is natural to trust.

The Law of Attraction

The Law of Attraction is a simple law of quantum physics which demonstrates over and over again that you will attract into your life that upon which you focus. If you look at life and see positive, happy things then you will attract more of that positive energy into your life. When you look at life and see negative, unhappy things everywhere, then guess what? You are going to attract more ugliness into your life.

If you always find yourself in relationships where you have been disappointed and lied to, ask yourself what is it about you that brings dishonorable people into your life? I’m not in any way blaming you for your misfortune, but I know people attract what they think about. So ask yourself, what are your thoughts that actually pull dishonest people into your life?

If you want more trust in your life, you have to be more trusting and more worthy of trust. You can’t get from others what you don’t possess in yourself. If you are looking inside out, then you must ask yourself, “Am I a trustworthy person? Does my partner realize that I have integrity and can be trusted? Do I extend trust to him or her?”

Of course, there will inevitably be someone you trusted who didn’t deserve it, but don’t allow that to shake the foundation of your self-confidence. It is right to trust the person with whom you are involved. If he or she is undeserving of your trust, in time this will be revealed to you and then you can move on and forgive—whether or not you choose to stay with the person. But if your choice is to forgive and stay, then put trust into an action verb once more.

It does no good to stay if the trust is forever gone. You will find that eats at your self-esteem daily and you will turn into someone you don’t recognize and definitely don’t like.

Be the person you want to be in the relationship. Don’t let paranoia and suspicion ruin a good thing.

Beyond Lost Trust

I was recently talking to one of my clients about her readiness to begin a new relationship. This woman, Susan, had been divorced for about five years and believed she was ready for a new dating relationship in her life but nothing was happening for her.

I asked her if there was something holding her back. She is an attractive and fun-loving person. I suggested that maybe her ex-husband was still holding too much power over her emotions to allow her to engage in a relationship with someone new.

She thought about that and realized that what really happened is that when her husband had an affair with a much younger woman, it totally shook her self-esteem. If she doesn’t like herself, how can someone else be attracted to her?

So often, when our trust is shattered, we tend to look at ourselves. What’s wrong with me? Why did someone I love betray me? Why didn’t I see it? Instead, we need to look at the character flaw in the other person. When someone makes a promise to another and breaks it, then that is a flaw in them, not you.

Trusting really comes down to which is most important to you—trust or self-protection? If you are more concerned with keeping yourself safe, you probably won’t trust because you are afraid of being hurt. However, can you really protect yourself? Won’t you still be hurt to learn of a loved one’s deception? Without trust, you will never achieve that level of intimacy a trusting relationship provides. What will you really lose by trusting?

The most important thing, though, is to not lose respect for yourself. You are a worthy person. Spend some time engaging in some self-nurturing behavior. Learn to love yourself again. Your self-esteem cannot be based on the frailties of another person.

I have two questions. Do you want to be in a relationship with someone whom you can’t trust? And do you want to be in a relationship where you are behaving as a jealous, crazy person?

This is definitely a personal decision and I simply ask you to evaluate your own behavior, and regardless of what your loved one does or does not do, are you able to be the person you want to be in your relationship? If not, are you willing to continue to function within the relationship or would it be better for you to end it? Only you can decide and only you can know what the right answer is for you.

Trust is Multi-Level

The trust one needs in a relationship is multi-level. At the base level, there is a trust in your partner. Of course, at this level, you could be right or you could be wrong. Your partner may deserve your trust or he or she may not. Your partner may be totally and completely untrustworthy. You have no control over that at all. If a person is unworthy of your trust, that in no way diminishes you. It is all about their character. You can’t let it shake your self-confidence.

At the next level is a trust in oneself. At this level, it is important to trust your own instincts in people. You may not always be right. People are very good at deception if they want to be. Remember Ted Bundy? However, if you trust in yourself and your good judgment, when you make a mistake you won’t be devastated. You just realize that you were involved with a person who was a master of deception and you move on undaunted but perhaps a bit wiser.

Finally, there is trust in the universal order of things—a divine spirit, if you will. If you have total and complete trust in the Universal Spirit or your Higher Power then that trust will never be betrayed. The Universal Spirit will always provide you with what you need whenever you have a need.

I believe what happened with my client is her trust was placed completely in her partner. When the trust started to waiver, then the relationship failed. It’s OK to trust the person with whom you’re involved but your broader trust should be placed in yourself and then ultimately in the Universal Spirit.

Have you lost your trust? Do you want to get back to it? Let go of the wrong that was done, trust in yourself again and ultimately trust in the Universal Spirit to always and forever provide you what you need when you need it. You will discover a sense of peace and calm that will sustain you through the difficult and lonely times.

Relationships are complex things, but following these basics will help you make your relationships healthy and strong.

When in doubt, listen first and check to see if you have understood the other person by asking them questions. Often relationships go awry when people feel they aren’t being heard or understood and sometimes it’s important just to listen. You have to know what they want, not what you think is good for them. Listening is what helps us to find connection with each other. This also means you need to tell others what you really feel, think, and want. You can’t feel connected if you don’t voice these things.

Communicate simply when it is most critical that they hear you. Get clear in your own mind what kind of outcome you would like and try to state it in the most simple and specific terms. You will more likely be understood the more clear you can be, and often that means fewer words, not more. Sometimes repetition is necessary in getting through to someone what is really important to you.

Always show respect. Respect means listening, accepting a no when you are given one, not taking them for granted, being honest in your dealings with them, and not criticizing often or discouraging them. It is also important that you do not try to control others, and just as important that you show respect to yourself and ask that they treat you the same or be willing to walk away.

Know when it isn’t a healthy relationship. Just because you care about someone doesn’t mean you should be in a relationship with them at this time. They should be good for you, not addicted to anything, not controlling or abusive in any way, and make you feel secure and happy. It is not possible to make a relationship work with someone who doesn’t care about you, or who abuses a substance or you, so don’t try.

Seek to be good for others and don’t tear them down. People like to be with those who make them feel good and who are good for them. Lighten up and have fun together and your relationship will grow.

Do You Understand your partner? This looks little different kind of question, isn’t it? Because all of us think that we understand our partner. Is that true for all of us? What is the truth?

What all do we need to know about a person to feel that we understand them? Let us list out. Food habits, clothing choice, hobbies, emotional response, values, ambitions, behavior, mental strength, IQ, EQ and others. How much do you know about behavior response of your partner? Let us not talk about everyday behavior but how do they behave during extraordinary circumstances. For example, if a burger enters the house at night, what will be your partner’s reaction? They will feel frightened? They will go and confront the burglar? They will try to catch the burglar or they will try to kill?

We can raise many such questions and try and think if we know the answer. Suppose your partner is dressed in their best clothes and is attending a party. Somebody spills a liquid on his or her clothes by mistake. How do you think they will react? Can you answer this? Think of different situations and answer them to know if you really understand your partner.

Knowing about likes and dislikes does not mean understanding. To understand means to know the values, the life goals and the priorities of a person. To understand means to know what incidences made what impacts on that person. To understand means - you will be able to predict the reaction of your partner at a crucial moment. Can you do that with surety?

In the beginning of our relationship, we all talk about good things of life. Our focus is more to please our partner. Our focus is to get more pleasure in their company. we never think about the underlying psychological behavior at that time. After the relationship develop little further, we find that many times we get baffled by what our partner does and vice-versa. Better understand leads to stronger relationship.

All couples argue from time to time. It’s usually just harmless bickering, perhaps because of tiredness or stress, and resolves itself quickly enough. However, if you and your partner find yourselves arguing all the time, perhaps it’s time to consider whether there are deeper issues at the root cause of your conflicts. On the surface, your arguments may seem to be about money, children, sex, household chores or work (these are the most common themes), but these may not be the real issues – they may simply be the symptom of more serious underlying problems in your relationship. If you think this could be the case, read on to find out how to deal with it.

Sometimes arguments about money, work, children and household chores really boil down to insecurity about roles and responsibilities in the relationship. Perhaps it’s time to sit down together and redefine your mutual expectations of what your roles are and what you want them to be. Make changes if necessary.

Arguments about sex are often a cry for attention and affection. The most common gripe is about how often you have sex. If your sex drives just don’t match up, there’s plenty you can do to keep each other feeling loved and satisfied without having sex. Just cuddling in bed or on the couch, giving each other a massage, kissing more often or holding hands can provide enough physical affection and you might be surprised at just how intimate and romantic such little gestures can be. Sometimes they even lead to unexpected, spontaneous sex!

Sometimes just your style of arguing can heighten the tension and cause even the smallest of disputes to escalate. If you’re highly defensive by nature, you may take things very personally and see the smallest of comments as an attack. If you’re the type of person who’s afraid of conflict and will avoid it at all costs, you may be inclined to keep the peace with your partner on the surface, but your unresolved issues are therefore likely to build up inside you until they eventually lead to an eruption of anger, frustration and resentment. Some people prefer the silent treatment, going in the huff or nagging and griping until gradually the other person senses their unhappiness. Others like to feel that they’re always right and are very competitive and domineering – to them an argument is about winning or losing, and so they will do whatever it takes to win. None of these types of arguing are ever constructive are will just aggravate the problem. The best style of managing conflict and anger is to negotiate. Listen to each other, be patient, try to understand the other perspective and aim to come to a compromise that is mutually acceptable. You’ll feel all the better for it. When you’re arguing, also bear the following tips in mind:

If you know you’re tired, grumpy or unwell, don’t get into an argument in the first place. Leave your discussion until your mood is better.

Don’t interrupt, speak over your partner or shout.

Express your feelings openly. Frame the issue by talking about how you feel, not about how you think your partner should feel or behave.

Remember what you’re arguing about – don’t go off on a tangent and start dragging other issues into it. Remain focused. If there are other issues, these need to be dealt with separately.

Keep things in perspective. What are you actually getting so heated about? Impassioned debates about who forgot to set the timer on the video or how many chocolates you have just eaten – that’s just silly.

Try to see things from your partner’s point of view. This may also help you to understand whether there are any deeper issues involved.

Don’t drag other people into it – ‘Bob agrees with me’ or ‘My sister thinks I’m right too’. It makes no difference what anyone else thinks – the issue is between the two of you.

Don’t make sweeping generalisations such as ‘it’s always me who has to empty the bin’ or ‘you never sweep the floor’. They’re not helpful and you’re bound to be caught out.

Don’t humiliate or put down your partner. Their opinion is as valid as yours. You love each other and should therefore respect each other.

Don’t let it get personal, for example by hurling random insults at each other. This is just negative, abusive and irrelevant. Keep your discussion constructive. Telling your partner that they are a complete killjoy won’t do much to persuade them to go to a party with you!

If things get too heated or you just end up going round in circles, call it off and agree to resume your discussion when you’ve both had time to relax and think about it.

Remember that arguing is natural. We all do it from time to time as we all have our own feelings, beliefs and opinions which won’t always be compatible with each other. As long as you are open and discuss your differences in a calm, rational and patient manner, without seeing the argument as a ‘win or lose’ situation, your relationship should remain happy and healthy. It’s actually a more worrying sign if you never have any arguments. On the face of it, it may seem as if you have the perfect relationship, but this probably belies a whole host of differences and conflicts that are left to brew up inside you both for the sake of keeping the peace. Such relationships are destined for trouble. It’s a pressure cooker effect – sooner or later one of you will reach bursting point, by which time the issues and will be much more serious and the consequences could be disastrous.

A final note: arguments may become heated and verbally aggressive, but they should never become physically violent and abusive. If your arguments do escalate into domestic violence, seek help urgently. You are not alone in suffering from this and there is plenty of support to help you. Confide in family or friends, or if you don’t feel comfortable with this, get in touch with a women’s charity, a counselling organisation such as Relate or your local social services.

Many negative emotions are the result of confusion concerning “who is responsible for whose reality.” If we believe that others are responsible for our reality and how we feel, and they do not “create” our reality as we want it to be or do not give us what we want, we feel hurt, bitter, disillusioned, powerless, fearful, resentful, angry, and even hateful.

When we believe that we are responsible for their reality, and we are not able to make them happy, healthy, successful or satisfied, we feel failure, self-rejection, shame, and guilt. We might even feel anger toward them when they do not cooperate with us to create the reality we believe they must have in order to feel that we are successful and thus worthy as parents, teachers, saviors, healers, etc.

Both beliefs create codependence, resulting in conflicts in our relationships, while simultaneously preventing both parties from maturing emotionally.

Below you will find a list of beliefs that create such situations. We use the phraseology “holding the keys” to the others’ happiness, etc., as well as, “giving them the keys” to our self-worth, etc., in order to create a more visual and concrete way of working with this problem. Later we will refer to the PSYCHODRAMA OF THE KEYS or THE PUTTING ORDER TO THE KEYS. This means that we return the keys of responsibility that belong to the others, and take back the keys to our responsibilities.

BELIEFS THAT CAUSE CODEPENDENCY

1. I am responsible for the others’ reality; for their safety, happiness, health, success, satisfaction, etc. This leads us to believe we are holding the keys to the others’ safety, happiness, health, success, and satisfaction. We then believe we are failures if the others are not well. We also become angry with them when they do not cooperate in creating their own well-being, which we need in order to feel worthy.

2. Others are incapable, unable, and lacking inner guidance or the capacity for managing their lives properly. They need me. We then believe we hold the keys to their safety, happiness, satisfaction, success, etc. We believe they cannot be okay or proceed in life without our guidance and effort. We undermine their self-confidence and self-worth, and wear ourselves down doing for others much of what they can do for themselves. We obstruct their growth and strength.

3. If the others are not well, happy, successful, satisfied, etc., then I am a failure. I am holding the keys to their happiness, success, etc. They, in turn, hold the keys to my self-worth. In such cases, we get trapped in a vicious circle with the others, seeking to pressure them to live their lives in a way that we believe will make them happy and well. We do this, however, not only out of love, but also out of our need to affirm our self-worth.

4. If the others are not well or satisfied, etc., I am not worthy. I give the keys to my self-worth to the others because I am “responsible for” (holding the keys to) their well-being or satisfaction. I feel worthy only when they are well or satisfied.

5. If the other is not well or happy, I do not have the right to be well or happy. I give the keys to my happiness and well-being to the other. I feel I have the right to be happy or well only if he or she is. This does not help the other, but instead adds to the negativity in the environment. I remember a man once who expressed the need to be not well and to express it without his wife going to pieces.

6. If I love someone who is suffering, unhappy or not well, I should not be able to be happy or well. We give him or her the keys to our happiness and well-being. We can help others much more effectively by being positive rather than negative when they are not well.

7. My self-worth depends on what others think of me and on how satisfied they are with me. We give others the keys to our self-worth. We then lose our sense of who we are, what we believe and what we want to do with our lives. We waste our lives seeking to be who we believe others want us to be. In the end, we lose our happiness and are usually bitter that after all that self-suppression, we are still not getting from others the love and respect we desire.

8. My self worth is dependent on how successful my efforts are toward health, happiness, material comfort, social acceptance, professional success, etc. We give the keys to our self-worth to people, possessions and situations around us. This describes our state as a society in which each has lost the keys to his or her own happiness and is seeking to find it in “success”. Happiness and success are often (not always) on the other side of the seesaw.

9. I cannot ______without the others:

A. I cannot feel safe without the other(s). We give the keys to our feelings of security.

B. I cannot feel socially accepted without the other(s). We give the keys to our self-worth.

C. I cannot succeed without the other(s). We give the keys to our sense of power and ability.

D. I cannot enjoy myself without the other(s). We give the keys to our happiness.

E. I cannot be sure what to do without the other(s). We give the keys to our inner guidance and wisdom.

F. I cannot be happy without the other(s). We give the keys to our happiness.

10. Others are responsible for my:

A. Happiness. We give the keys to our happiness.

B. Safety. We give the keys to our feelings of security.

C. Satisfaction. We give the keys to our feelings of satisfaction.

D. Success. We give the keys to our ability and intelligence.

E. Health. We give the keys to our physical being. __________________________________

Having understood the above, the next step is to determine where exactly we are expecting others to create our happiness, success, and satisfaction, or where we are dependent on others for our feelings of self-worth. In other words, we need to recognize which of our keys we have given to whom.

Then we need to discover for which people we feel responsible, and thus are holding onto the keys to their happiness, success, safety or satisfaction.

This we want to do in order to return the keys that do not belong to us and take back the keys that do.

From the book “Relationships of Conscious Love”
http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp
by Robert Elias Najemy

Depression can be a very lonely illness and your relationships are a key part of how you cope with your depression. You need friends for support. Not just good weather friends but friends who can support you when you’re down. If one of these friends is also depressed it is not necessarily a bad thing. You can understand each other and perhaps be there on each other’s bad days (but not if you’re having a bad time at the same time). However, you need to be conscious when choosing sexual partners that your depression will have altered you as a person. It is likely that the person you get together with when depressed will not be the person you want to be with when you are better. When you are depressed you are a different person – you may not even know who you really are – but your partner will be with the person you are at that time. Also, depression alters your view of the world and therefore your view of other people, so your view of your partner will not be the same when you are better.

Now, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t start a relationship when depressed. On the contrary, it could be the best thing for you. It may provide the stability you need to start working through your problems and you may be able to talk to your partner about things you can’t discuss with anyone else. Your partner may be the only person you can relax around and start to feel yourself again. Issues may arise that hadn’t before and wouldn’t have come up if you weren’t in a relationship. On the other hand, you may find that you keep up the pretence of being the person you think you ought to be. There is also the possibility that the relationship could fail before you are ready - perhaps due to your depression. This will make you worse. Either way, the stability may give you the space to start seeing things differently and the confidence to start seeking therapy.

However, what I strongly advise is do not start a relationship with someone who is also depressed. I am not a doctor but I do have 25 years experience of depression and there are two likely outcomes of this sort of relationship. Firstly, one of you will get better, you will split and the other will get worse. The reason is this: if you are simply friends with another depressed person you can help each other and if one of you gets better you can still be there to help the other one with your understanding and advice. However, if you are in a relationship with another depressed person and one of you gets better and you split up then the other person will have suffered the end of their relationship plus the loss of their friendship and support. By all means be friends with other depressed people, we all need friends when we’re depressed, but wait until you have both recovered before you think about starting a sexual partnership.

Depression is a difficult illness to really get rid of. Once you have had it there is always the possibility of a recurrence. If you have recovered from your depression but are still in a relationship with someone who is depressed it is very difficult to stay recovered. Also, you may find that you want to get out of the relationship but feel trapped because you know that the other person will get worse. The stress of this may send you back into depression. This is the second outome - you will both remain depressed.

There are two remaining possible outcomes - the first is that you will both get better and stay together. I believe this is highly unlikely but not impossible. You will both be different people when you are better, with different views and personalities from when you first got together. You may still like each other but want different things. It would be great if you both manage to help each other through depression and out the other side but the normal stresses and strains of a relationship make this unlikely.

The other outcome is that one of you will get better and you will stay together. I think this is the least likely to happen. If you recover from depression and live with someone who is depressed you are not likely to be really happy. You may still remember the feelings and understand but there may be an element of “I got through it so you should be able to as well.” We all know that’s unreasonable as part of depression is the feeling that you just can’t try any more but don’t people always say that ex-smokers and the worst critics of smokers?

Bear in mind that a long-term partnership is not necessarily a bad thing when you are depressed but please think about the consequences of getting together with another depressed person. Try to help each other and be there for each other but keep enough distance between you so that you help each other and not bring each other down. In other words, stay friends and don’t live with each other, at least, not until you know who you really are.

“Love makes the world go around” was true when it was first uttered many years ago and remains just as true today. Love is what everybody is after. So much time is spent discussing love, reading about it, watching movies about it and singing about it that if all that time were spent on any other problem, it would surely have been solved a long time ago. Relationships with others are the vehicle through which people find love and, hopefully, preserve it.

Since the beginning of time, themes of romantic relationships have dominated the stories we tell. The first and most well known Bible story is about the relationship between Adam and Eve. The story goes that Adam was alone in the garden and begged God for a companion. In the Bible, God created man, but man’s humanity was not complete without the love of another like himself. This basic human value is reflected in religions across the globe, and in our secular stories as well.

Nowadays, relationships, their creation, preservation, and demise, have spawned numerous multi-billion dollar industries. Everybody has a book to sell, a movie to screen, a song to sing or a course to offer on the subject. There are workshops to take, therapy sessions to experience and training to undergo to keep things working smoothly. And if all that fails there are squadrons of hungry divorce lawyers and judges to make things come to end – happy or not.

Woody Allen has made dozens of movies exploring relationships and in the end his philosophy can be summed up with the prophetic words, “Relationships are painful and they all end too quickly.” The classic sci-fi novel, 1984, has as its main premise the idea that in the future there would be no need for what we now call relationships, just a government sponsored pairing up system to preserve the natural order of things. And even in that society, the books main characters sneak off to have some good old fashioned relationship fun, which ultimately gets them in trouble with Big Brother.

Why all the fuss? What drives people to behave in this most unseemly and dangerous manner just to hold hands with someone and cuddle up on a cold night? For, the answer to that question, look to all the books, songs, movies, and poems about love.

Those we are close to are related to us in complex ways, historically, biologically, and in terms of soul-connection. Yet often, what outpictures on the level of the physical, does not reflect the intensity and meaningfulness of the soul connection that has brought us into proximity with another, whether for a few moments or for a lifetime.

Where the bond is strong and one of commitment, we tend to assume that there is a deeper connection. However, what is actually true is that this connection exists even where relationships do not function smoothly or carry a great deal of difficulty. Even in such cases, the soul connection may be one of a purely positive nature, though many serious problems or challenges may be manifesting on the physical plane.

The confusion about levels of relationship comes up commonly in two ways: when we feel a deep heart connection with someone, whether for a few moments or for many years, and this sense of connection is not reciprocated or acknowledged by the other, or, when we have a great deal of difficulty with another or suffer at the hands of another, and wonder why they are in our lives and what, that is positive, could be the purpose of such a relationship. In both cases, we are presuming a relationship on a different level that is the explanation or cause for what we are experiencing.

The truth of soul relationships is more complex than most are aware of at this point. On the one hand, what one soul recognizes may not be what another is capable of perceiving at a given point in time. This does not make the relationship or connection untrue. It just means that the other is bound in their perception by limitations on the personality level and cannot register or be aware of the deeper currents of relatedness. The discrepancy between our own perception of things and that of someone else can lead to disappointment and even to sorrow if we do not understand that what exists at the soul level has to find its way into physical expression in its own way and time. In some instances this may not happen nor serve the highest good within a particular lifetime.

Similarly, with relationships that have a strong negative component, whether familial or introduced by external circumstances into our life. Souls never come together to harm each other. They always come together in order to further each other’s learning on the level of the heart and spirit. No matter who we encounter in life, especially in the context of a long-term connection, the other soul is crossing our path in order to convey something that we have chosen to learn. What this is, involves the mystery of embodied experience, and can shape the course of a lifetime.

Suffice it to say that, often, the direction we think things should go in with another, does not become the direction that they actually go in. This is not because the inner connection is not there or is faulty, but because the point of meeting with another brings into awareness for each participant, the portion of meaning they are capable of holding in the present, and what is true within the perception of one person may not be true for the other.

Souls, in their desire and capacity to help each other, may also choose periods of time apart from each other. Sometimes the separation is what is needed in order to further the relationship. Sometimes, the learning that takes place can only take place with periodic or intermittent contact with another. In addition, there are many levels of meeting or contact between souls. Souls have the capacity of meeting not just on the physical plane, but on the plane of dreams which, for many, involves actual meetings that are conducted within the energy-body while asleep. The kind of communication and support that can take place through these non-physical meetings can be quite significant. They can further or continue a relationship, even where one participant has left their body through death. This is because those who have departed are still connected with us as souls and can choose, for various reasons, to meet us within our energy or dream bodies while asleep so that we may share further experience as part of an ongoing relationship.

Where souls are meeting primarily in the dream body as opposed to the physical body, it can happen either because the inner directives of one soul have caused them to depart from the physical plane while the other remains. It can also be caused by limitations on the level of the personality that prevent a soul from acknowledging the connection with another due to defensiveness, fear, or simply to a lack of awareness within the existing personality of what the soul knows on its own level. And so the inner connection is maintained when the personality has less say over making contact, generally at night, but sometimes also during the day. At these times we may experience the presence of others with us where it seems that there is an intentionality to their being there, and a desire to communicate in words or through feeling. Becoming able to listen and to hear these communications without fear or self-invalidation, but with a sense of wanting to help and to love, is a task of the maturing soul that opens the door to the many faceted relationships that exist within the spiritual universe.

Finally, let it be said that souls also meet outside of their physical bodies because of the level of their spiritual development and their increased capacity to do so in an intentional way. These meetings are part of the growing development of consciousness to manifest reality in a myriad of ways.

In the end the connections with others on the level of the soul enrich life immeasurably, and add to the dimension of the physical, the dimension of the spiritual in ways that will one day become quite natural and commonplace, which, for today, may seem the exception.